Well, don't know where to start or what say really, but am gonna give it a go.
I have a curved spine (Scoliosis), which means I get out of breath and tired more quickly than others. Can walk short distances, about half a mile, though I feel sore and ache afterwards. I usually just get a taxi when I need to go out, (like to the shops or the train station etc). Carrying anything heavy ish (like bags of shopping) puts my a strain my shoulders and hurts my back. I live in a first floor flat by myself, so don't have anyone to help me get me shopping up a flight of stairs.
When I am with other people its hard to keep up with them, so they have to keep stopping to let me catch up. When I am with other people I'm walking longer distances and it gets increasingly more and more painful to walk, to the point I'm near crying.
I find it very difficult in speaking to people face to face or on a one to one basis, but strangely I have no problem speaking to people by way of my computer and the internet. I also find it quite difficult in writing something from scratch, I kind of KNOW what I want to say but its hard to get it out into words.
I suppose I have this problem in speaking to people face to face or on a one to one basis, because I look different to others, and people can just be generally nasty and hurtful, its just horrible. How do look different to others? I look different as my upper jaw sticks out. I did have a operation (about 10- 15 years ago) to try and correct this, yet the operation failed so my teeth stick out again. I've been pushed around, called names, been spat on, humiliated throughout my life. Is really difficult to just ignore this kind of thing, the constant feeling of being hated by everyone and so I just don't really go out anywhere.
If I was taken off DLA, I would probably lose my Income support too, which in turn would lose me my housing & council tax benefits and that in turn would see me without a roof over my head and I really don't know WHAT I'd do. I think like other disabled people I think I would want to kill myself. Even though I'm always feeling that I am better off dead (even before the cuts) etc, its not really something I'd want to put my family through.
But what choice would I really have? I would have no money, no where to live.
Originally posted as part of the One Month Before Heartbreak Campaign Jan, 2011
This made me sad. You've been so great with the campaign. I hate to think your confidence is so low and you've been treated so badly.
ReplyDeleteThe internet doesn't discriminate lovely. We are all proud of you for being you. xx